Durham Academy Magazine 

A Beautiful Day for a Neighbor

How Preschoolers and Elders Have Built a Tradition of Mutual Joy

By Melody Guyton Butts, Associate Director of Marketing & Communications

A mid-morning quiet has set over the lobby of the Solista Durham retirement community when the first few kindergartners file in, cautiously peering over their cargo: extra-large popcorn buckets piled high with snacks, word search books, and tubes of hand lotion and lip balm. It’s an impromptu visit by these pint-sized neighbors from just across Pickett Road, and the 18 kindergarten Bumblebees are dialed in on their mission to bring in 100 surprise packages for Solista residents in celebration of Valentine’s Day. “Get that bucket!” one calls out to a classmate before they turn back to collect another load.

His enthusiasm makes an impression on Shanna Huffman, a Solista resident watching from nearby. “Reminds me of my grandson,” she later says with a smile. She’d noticed the kindergartner on a previous visit but didn’t catch his name. For now, “Little Bucket Boy” will have to suffice. “He’s the best. A very authoritative figure on buckets,” Huffman jokes. “He was bossing everybody, doing it in a cute way.”

Such connections are precisely the goal of DA Preschool’s association with Solista, previously known as Emerald Pond. Now entering its 13th year, the intergenerational partnership has inspired countless core memories for all involved; provided early lessons in empathy for students; and weathered challenges that could have easily toppled it, if not for the persistence of dedicated individuals on both sides of the street. 

As Miller, a kindergartner, so aptly puts it, “They care about us, and we care about them.”

The words of Fred Rogers ring out from a screen in the Durham Academy Preschool Great Room, all six pre-k and kindergarten classes watching as the children’s TV icon welcomes viewers into his home-like set. Most of the students are unfamiliar with Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, which reached peak viewership in the 1980s. But their teachers know there’s perhaps no better way to set the tone for an introduction of some of Durham Academy’s neighbors — seniors living “just across the pond” at Solista, many of whom likely heard that familiar theme song more than a time or two when raising their own children.

This is one of the first Preschool assemblies of each school year, scheduled early in the calendar so students can begin planning for their first visit to the senior living center. Within a few weeks, they’ll have all learned class cheers and created posters to introduce each class’s mascot to their neighbors at Solista. This first walk over — yes, all 109 Sunshines, Frogs, Owls, Pandas, Koalas and Bumblebees will make the 0.6-mile journey on foot — has been a highlight of the Preschool experience since the beginning of the partnership in 2014.

But for now, kindergarten teacher Jessica Whilden ’01 and Preschool learning support coach Michelle Park — who work with Solista’s resident life director, Krystal Jockisch, to coordinate the partnership — focus on how much the students and the residents have in common. Just like the Preschoolers, their neighbors enjoy meals and exercise together. They look forward to celebrating birthdays and holidays. Many have pets. They love a good game of bingo or a joyful sing-along. And, no different from the 4- and 5-year-olds, several of the seniors have found that there’s nothing quite like coming out of a party with a sleeve of temporary tattoos.

“We relate it to a big clubhouse for grown-ups,” Whilden says. “And what’s special about it is that there are helpers nearby. If someone needs something, the helpers are part of their community, just like if we need something here, we have helpers who are part of our community.”

Park and Whilden also talk honestly about some of the differences that students might notice during their visits to Solista — whether those are residents’ hearing challenges, use of wheelchairs or limb differences — and how they can show their respect and care for their elders. 

By the end of the assembly, with a clearer picture of Solista in their minds, several of the students say they can now imagine themselves living in such a community when they’re older. And so the stage is set for another year of hearts touched and memories made.

The idea for an intergenerational neighborhood partnership came to Sheri-lyn Carrow in 2014. Then a DA pre-kindergarten teacher, she was also serving as interim Preschool director at the time, and she had been doing a lot of thinking about ways to make service more authentic. As an institution, Durham Academy was moving toward more meaningful service-learning initiatives — rather than isolated acts of community service — to help students forge lasting connections, better understand others’ challenges, and develop skills and character in the process.

“Seniors and young kids relate so well together,” says Carrow, who, prior to coming to DA, had worked at another school with an ongoing relationship with a senior center. “It’s just a nice pairing, if you can make it work. And it became clear that across the street there was an opportunity here at DA.”

For the next 10 years — until she retired in 2024 — Carrow worked hand-in-hand with the center’s staff to ensure that the programming was equally enriching for the students and the residents of what was then called Emerald Pond. Many of those activities and projects have sustained over the years, from all six Preschool classes trick-or-treating on Halloween and small groups coming over to decorate for holidays, to the annual farewell sing-along featuring old favorites like “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and “B-I-N-G-O.”

Essential to establishing the relationship was Bonnie Gay, then the center’s resident life director. “She was the perfect person to start this with,” Carrow says. “She was very energetic, had great ideas, was up for anything and totally understood how to make it worthwhile.”

Gay came to the Preschool’s very first Emerald Pond assembly in 2014 and read Oma’s Quilt, a picture book about a grandmother struggling with her transition to a retirement community and how her granddaughter helped her feel at home in her new environment. It’s a fitting story to help introduce the DA-Solista collaboration, and a dozen years later, Oma’s Quilt is still read at the assembly each year.

New traditions have also been born over the years. For one, families donate comfort items for residents each year to be collected in Valentine’s Day baskets — or “You Make Our Hearts Pop!” popcorn buckets, in the case of the creatively themed packages that the Bumblebees delivered this year. It’s just one example of how the Preschool’s work with Solista enables students to witness the impact of their kindness on others, to experience the joy of giving, and to receive kindness in return. 

“Watching them and their eagerness to get the buckets off the bus and take them in and do their delivery, they were just delighted,” Park says. 

“A lot of them knew items that they had either shopped for or brought in,” Whilden adds, “and bringing them in, it just completed the circle.”

The day following the bucket delivery, the Bumblebees gather on the classroom rug to reflect on their visits to Solista. 

“I like seeing the people there and waving to them,” Caroline volunteers.

“I like when we give stuff to them, like the Valentine’s buckets,” Emeline adds. 

“How do you think that made them feel?” Whilden asks.

Emeline responds with a smile: “Joyful.”

“I heard one of the residents make a comment yesterday that it keeps them young,” says Jockisch, the resident life director. “I think it brings a lot of reminiscing. A lot of these residents have their own children, and they’ve got grandchildren who might be young adults. And so seeing the small kids brings up memories of when their children or grandkids were growing up.”

Jockisch sits at Solista’s front desk, fielding questions from residents while chatting about the Preschool’s visits with Pam Whilden, who moved to the senior living center last summer. Whilden has longstanding ties to Durham Academy — she’s Jessica Whilden’s mother-in-law, her son Guy ’00 is also an alumnus, and her two grandchildren are DA students — so she had heard about the Preschool’s relationship with Solista long before she moved in. 

But experiencing the joy of the collaboration as a Solista resident is particularly special. As the Preschoolers’ first visit of the school year drew near, fellow residents were abuzz with anticipation, Pam Whilden recalls. “They’re going, ‘Oh, you wait. They’re so cute.’ Everyone gets really excited about the kids coming.”

The Preschool typically visits as a full student body three times a year: for their introductory visit on Unity Day in September, to trick-or-treat around the Solista atrium area each Halloween and for a farewell sing-along in May. In addition, smaller groups visit regularly to put up handmade seasonal decorations or play games, and students keep a steady stream of “Happy Mail” — drawings, cards and crafts — flowing to Solista residents throughout the year.

Over the years, the Durham Academy-Solista relationship has grown to include other school divisions, especially the Middle School. In October, seventh and eighth grade Vocal Ensemble students interviewed residents about their favorite holiday songs, learning about the childhood memories that the carols conjure. The students then curated their winter concert lineup to include songs with special meaning for the residents, and they returned to sing the pieces at Solista in December. 

The students’ thoughtfulness was moving, Jockisch says: “When they came back to sing, especially when they specifically named the residents — like, ‘Hey, is Valerie here?’ ‘Hey, is Pam here?’ ‘You said that you liked this song,’ — it builds that connection. [Residents] are like, ‘Wow, they remember me.’”

And for a language arts project, eighth graders fan out to area retirement communities, including Solista, each winter to interview residents about their lives — not for the sake of learning about historical moments, but purely to converse with their elders and to elevate their stories. 

“This kind of intergenerational dialogue is meaningful,” says Ben Michelman, Middle School community engagement coordinator and language arts teacher. “It helps students understand how listening deeply can bridge generations and honor lived experience.”

Like any longstanding friendship, the DA-Solista partnership has weathered its fair share of storms. For two and a half years, pandemic restrictions meant there could be no in-person interactions between students and elders. So, instead, pen-pal relationships flourished, and students kept a steady stream of birthday cards and crafts heading to Solista until they could be together once again.

The relationship also survived what could have been fractures when key players from both organizations moved on from their roles, or when the retirement center came under new corporate ownership and changed its name.

“I just feel really happy for both parties, both [Solista] and DA, that it has sustained,” Carrow says. “Learning to show that you care and reach out to share some joy with people who don’t get to see kids a lot and don’t get to experience that kind of joy as much anymore — it’s rewarding for both entities.”

Looking to the future, Jockisch, Park and Whilden continue to work toward enriching the relationship and facilitating more connections. Several Solista residents visited DA to watch Preschoolers rehearse their Grandfriends Day program this spring, and there is interest in once again welcoming residents to read in Preschool classrooms. And Jockisch is exploring how students could be included in some of the residents’ favorite games, like hallway hockey and chair volleyball. 

Huffman, the resident who watched kindergartners bring in the Valentine-themed packages, has borne witness to the joy that young visitors stir in her neighbors. “Everybody’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, how cute,’” she says before breaking into a sly grin.

“Now, myself? I’m going for the bucket kid.”